How much Longer I Can Love You

Thursday, June 15, 2017

You've said that you need me and asked if I could stay. I told myself I would stay until you get over with all your trouble... until I'll see you rise again. 

I saw how broken you were and no one dare to ask if you were okay. I'm the only person you can count on every time you feel so down and needed someone to talk too.

I've been with you almost every night watch getting yourself drunk. Listen to all your heartaches and frustrations in life. You don't want me to leave because you want me to hug you until you'll fall asleep. 
I didn't leave you because I've noticed that you were afraid to be alone. Maybe that's the reason why you need me...maybe because I made you feel better in your miserable life or maybe I`m good for your ego.

I was at your side on your deepest downfall. There was a time that you told me you love me and I'm the best thing that ever happened to your life. I was dumbfounded and you didn't know how much it affects me.

The pain is killing me.

I'm not aware that I would love you at your worst. I never intend to stay this long. I`ve never thought that I would fall so deep. I have no plans on loving you so much because I know what kind of pain it'll cause me. But I embraced all the pain and let myself love you...I let you break my heart over and over. I didn't know that it would hurt me much.

I wanted to leave because the pain is killing me. I told you to be honest when it comes to your past. Yes you've been honest but there's one thing you didn't tell me and that cause me a big heartache.

So many questions that longing for an answer.

Why you didn't tell me about him? Why you didn't tell me that you're still together? What did I do that made you lied many times? Am I not enough for you that's why you still keeping him? Why you can't love me the way I love you and the way you love him? Why him and not me? Why do you need me if you still love him? From the time that you were down did he even bothered to ask you then why it's hard for you to let him go?

He was the reason of all your heartaches...he made you a fool...he made you feel stupid...he cheated on you! He only have you at your best not on your worst and yet you still love him? You ignored the one who was willing to give you the whole world, you ignored me!

Love can make you feel stupid.

In spite of everything I found out yet I'm still willing to stay and willing to embrace all your flaws. Yes...I am hoping that when you get tired of loving him maybe that would be the time you'll see my worth. And if does not happen I am still grateful that at least I tried to work things out between us.

I would not letting you go...for now! Because I'll hold on to what you've said "Stay with me until I've learned to unloved him". But I don't know how much longer I can hold on.
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